I've missed you. =)

It didn't work out with the Lizard. He was just a wasted effort.

I'm much more cautious now.

I'll never fall for another man, unless I'm 100% sure.

I trust the Lord to guide me. =)

<3

I refuse to let them tear us apart. Even with our issues, I believe there are other ways of overcoming it.

All relationships I had have gone through persecutions. All because THEY thought them no good. And they told me so.

Easily influenced, I listened to their crap. With their continuous spiel on what THEY thought were the perfect person for me. Their opinion and words made my life miserable and unhappy. I translated that into the relationships I had. Needless to say, all of them ended badly.

Now that it has become his turn to go through these persecutions, I'm very worried. I really pray that we stand through this test and turn out stronger.

I prayed really hard for this relationship. And I pray again; Oh Lord, grant us strength and perseverance through this tough time ahead, to show them what we're really about. Guide me to be the woman I should be, mould me into a Christ centered wife. Allow our detractors to see us, as a God centered couple. Please don't separate us. My heart is his and his only. Amen.

Love?

In December, I will introduce Calvin to my parents.

I brought him home today, for a soft introduction to my sisters.

Dunman was fine with him, other than the initial misunderstanding of him as a female, and 19 instead of 26.

His youth makes me feel insecure at times, for I look much more mature for my age. But I love him all the same.

Shorty, on the other hand, favours WQ more than Calvin. For I'd laid my foundation with him well, and Shorty actually thought WQ better looking than Calvin.

But beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. What I see in him, what I deem good, might not be seen by others. He has issues, issues that I face as well. Issues that we have to fight together, issues that I hope will not make him break his promise to me. 

I wish it didn't have to be this way, but it did. And maybe because of it; allowed me to know him more. 

I have questions for him. And I want to know every single dirty secret he has. I open my past to him too, if he is interested.

His past has still been haunting me, and I worry for him so much, I can't concentrate much on my Econs at all. I might possibly fail. I've decided to throw the Wild Card for this module. Economics is much too difficult when my heart and mind isn't with me.

I've often wondered what Qiaoli's MSN nick meant whenever she signed in.

"Love carries its own sense of compulsion."

The day I realised I had feelings for Calvin, it suddenly made sense. Love carries its own sense of compulsion. A willingness to forgive, a willingness to forget. A willingness to start anew. A willingness to accept.

A strong compulsion to be with him, come what may.

Rash, and irrational.

I've been feeling cramps all day, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope I'm not getting sick or anything, although my hours has been screwed because of that Personal Effectiveness Module. I hope it isn't cancer, I hope it isn't some illness brewing inside.

Anything but sickness.

AMEN.

I've finally graduated from my Diploma in Chemical and Pharmaceutical Technology, made good use of it with 1 year plus of experience in the Government's Statutory Lab, and now I'm doing me DEGREE!

CAN YOU IMAGINE MOI, AN UNDERGRADUATE?

woo~!

And I never thought this day would ever come.

I'm still struggling with school though.

I have an Economics exam in 9 days. I haven't touched my books AT ALL. And I failed all those little quizzes to boot.

*sigh*

Doesn't help that I fell for someone I shouldn't have fallen for. I might get burnt. VERY. BADLY.

Oh Lord, I need your guidance.

FIND ME A GOOD HUSBAND! Someone who wouldn't make me worry. Someone who is stable, rich and good. A man of God. Someone I love deeply and wouldn't stray away from.

AMEN!